random disconnected thoughts | thank you Allie

Truth be told, for the past couple of weeks I've been sort of depressed. Moody, perhaps. Irritable. Unmotivated.

Empty.

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"She loves him more. I'm nowhere near there. Thus the story of my pathetic love life."

"I command you; DIE!!!"

"GN-001/hs-A01 Gundam Avalanche Exia."

"Will somebody kill me please?! Somebody kill me please...I'm on my knees, pretty pretty please...kill me...I want to die...put a bullet through my head..."

"How did it come to this?"

"Now she knows how it feels to not know where she stands in someone's life. Biar merasa sikit."

"Who is your one and only, actually?"

"He needs some sort of assurance before he decides."

"I've gambled enough already. Let them make the first move now."

"Face card, face card....DAMMIT!"

"We all know that will never happen."

"Girls expect guys to make the first move. They can't be the ones chasing after guys. It's too embarassing for them."

"Talk about maintaining face."

"Her hand in mine, we walked through the mall. Not saying a word. Just feeling the warmth in our grasps. I tried sending my feelings for her via emotional vibes, which coincided with the beats of my heart, through the physical link we shared. And wishing it would be returned with similar feelings of her own. As I do so, I felt her fingers tightened their grip on mine. I turned to look at her, and what I saw made me smile."

"Look at yourself."

"Just choose one, for God's sake."

"Do you guys even understand the effin' situation? There are options but there's nothing to choose. Which part of desirable yet unavailable options do you all NOT understand?!"

"He has made his move. They did not respond the way he would have liked."

"It's not like we expected any positive responses anyway."

"So what are we to do now?"

"Maybe I am meant to not have anyone special. You know, like how some people die before they find their other half? I could be one of those."

"Bollocks. You can't be giving up now, can you?"

"It's out of our hands. We can't do anything about it, and they don't look like they'll leave the comfort they currently enjoy. And why should they, if it's for someone like us?"

"He knows it all too well. Don't rub it in."

"This is all effin' bullshit."

"Carl's Jr. We had her favourite beef chilli cheese fries, and I tried the Super Star a friend recommended. She laughed when she saw how much I ate. Heck, I'm not going to pretend in front of her. My belly is too prominent to be disguised and the food's just too damn good."

"Let's see...two Action Base 1, Gundam 00 marker set, Avalanche Exia, Guren Royal Coating...I wonder if 00 Gundam would be out by then. Probably need a few hundred bucks for all these."

"What is it with people who won't walk out of relationships even though it's not there anymore? Says she doesn't feel it anymore but still tells him I love you. Boyfriend literally abandons her but still tells everyone she's in a relationship. Knows he is seeing two girls besides her but still makes plan of getting hitched with him. HULLO?!"

"Forget it and move on. It can be done."

"This emptiness clenches my heart like cold vice. I suppose that doesn't make sense because there's only a void where my heart once was."

"Allie? Honey? Emma? Or what's-her name? Which one will it be?"

"It's definitely....maybe."

"It will all depend on the 11th. That would be the moment of truth."

"When he holds you close, when he pulls you near, when he says the words you've been needing to hear I'll wish I was him because those words those are mine to say to you until the ends of time..."

"It was time to go home. I was reluctant to let her go simply because I don't know when we'll meet again. If we'll ever meet again. Three times in six years does not do justice to the feelings I have for her. Not when I want her to be with me by my side for as long as we both live."

"Z-01 Lancelot. Marching Ever Onward Towards Tomorrow."

"You are my first; that will never change. The feelings I professed all those years ago are still here, and they are for you. They will always be for you. Always."

"There was never a need to choose, you effin' arsehole. You knew the answer to the question all along. You effin' arse."

"He's gotta stop making these impossible choices."

"But how do we know if she knows? She might just end up being oblivious, just like the rest of them."

"Devotion is a beautiful thing often abused."

"Maybe it's just me, but couldn't you believe that everything I said and did wasn't just deceiving? And the tear in your eye, and your calm, hard face makes me wish that I was never brought into this place."

"You know, love, that despite our exploits with other people, I still hope that we do end up with each other in the end."

"I love you, she said. And then I told her, I love you too."

"Those three words really mean a lot to me. Thank you."

"As it does to me when I said it to you. And I still have that smile on my face."

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I'll just note that the above is REAL even though it might not make any sense. That, I assure my dear readers, is purely intentional.